How do you know what your life purpose is? Can you use your experiences to heal others and yourself? As you know I recently became certified as a law of attraction coach. Now that I have the training I must take my experiences, make sense of them and share them with others as a way to make those experiences count. If you have not read my previous blog post please do so now.
My initial training is in social work. I have spent the last 26 years working in mental health specifically and at least half of that time working with substance abusers. The other half of the time I spent working with our mentally ill consumers.
As I wrote in my last blog while working in our SA programs my husband who was initially in recovery moved into relapse. I could spend a bunch of time trashing him or sharing war stories but this blog is about me and my recovery. The first major point I want to make is 1. Trashing the alcoholic/addict especially in public or in front of family/children only makes matters worse. My oldest daughter was 4 when the addiction came out. She is now 21 and told me recently that her first memory was of me throwing her dad out of the house. Although now she understands our relationship was forever changed.
To say my oldest was oppositional was an understatement. Every encounter with her seemed like war. She once threw her mattress across the room. As I said before this is not about them it is about me. I became depressed. I was working, trying to raise a very angry daughter and grieving the loss of the future I thought our family was going to have. The second big thing I need to share is that the anger is only in small part about the actions/inactions of the alcoholic/addict. 2. The anger at my husband was not from his actions as much as the loss of the dream I had about our future. My expectations created the ongoing pain and resentment I was feeling. The importance of this point is astronomical! Only when I got to the point that I could see that was I in a position to begin healing.
I know what you are thinking because I thought this too. "I am not the problem he/she is the problem. If they would get sober then things would be okay". This leads me to the third major point. 3. My pain is only going to go away when I make the decision to work on myself. Sobriety is not the key to happiness. Even if the blessing of sobriety comes to your house there are still unresolved hurts and anger that must be dealt with on all sides for full family healing to take place. That being said sobriety does not come to every household. So what does that mean? 4. Sobriety is not essential for the family members to begin the healing process. If you are like me this really pisses you off because it did me. They can just check out on life and their responsibilities while I have to do all this hard work on myself to help myself and my children/grandchildren (One thing I learned from my work is that there are now many grandparents that are raising their grandchildren due to the addiction of their grown child).
Although the loved one could be a parent, child, spouse or other significant person in your life the road to your healing is the same. For me initially my healing came from Al-anon meetings. I did not learn about coaching until many years later. I still go to meetings weekly as a way to keep focus. If I had not found this program and continued to use it I would have completely lost it.
My journey did not end with my husband going to treatment. How could I go back to work dealing with addiction all day long? How was I going to reconnect with my oldest daughter who was out of control angry at me and not her dad (that part really sucked)? There will be more of my story in my next post.
Are you hurting? Would you like to begin the healing process? Please contact me! I can help you begin the healing process right away or help you get to the place where you feel confident to start meetings.
If you want to connect with like minded people please join my new Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/Mylovedoneisaddicted/