What does loneliness mean to you? It's a simple question that seems easy to answer but did you know that loneliness is different for different people? For me loneliness happens when I allow myself to isolate from others for long periods of time.
Yes I am an introvert! What does that mean exactly? That means that I can be alone for long periods of time without a single twinge of loneliness. When I am by myself I recharge my batteries. If I know I will be going to a function with a lot of people I have to mentally prepare myself to engage in conversation or small talk. I feel emotionally drained at the end and must recharge which comes by solitude. To some of you this may sound backwards. My loneliness comes from my own desire to isolate and not engage in friendships or make excuses to not go to social functions because it is easier.
I have learned that I am the only one who can break that cycle and here is what has worked for me.
- I ask myself what I want when it comes to relationships? Do I want a significant other in my life? Do I want to have long term friendships? Do I want close relationships with family? If the answer is yes to any of these questions then I go to the next question.
- What am I willing to do to make this happen? Is this relationship important enough to me to make the effort to get out of my comfort zone to make it work? Am I expecting others to come to me and not making an effort to go to them?
- How can I get past my fear of getting out there? What can I do to expand my ability to sustain relationships? This is where the real miracle comes! I become willing to seek outside help so that I can create long lasting relationships!
I have worked for years as a therapist and helped others identify this as the problem. It was not until I got into coaching that I found a real solution! The solution comes in the form of processes that helped me to expand my mind and willingness to identify what I want. I then allow the Universe to give me exactly what I ask for when I become willing to look at the part my own thinking comes in creating my own reality. I have to make the decision to make my life better!
As you may or may not know I recently became engaged after years of dead end relationships. I am convinced that the Universe brought him to me only when I was ready to do the work needed to help the relationship expand. We met just prior to me taking the step to become a certified coach. I was able to attract a healthy long term partnership after being single for 15 years. (For info on my first marriage and how I was effected look at the three blog posts "My loved one is addicted") .
I am beginning to realise that in my desire to become a coach what I am really doing is starting a movement to help others that want to make a shift learn how to go about it.
If any of this resonates with you please leave a comment or share with your friends. The answer to all the questions around loneliness for the introvert has an answer. In my next blog I will do my best to look at loneliness for the extrovert. This is much more difficult because I have never personally experienced this but don't fret extroverts I will be gaining insight on this from other coaches and bring you answers next month!
If you are curious about coaching but not sure if it's for you. Please contact me for an initial Energy Healing session at my expense! Mina@minasselfesteembuilder.com